ADHD, Emotions and Emotional Regulation

Common questions

Why do my reactions feel so much bigger than the situation?

Because the feeling arrives at full volume before any of the reasoning catches up. Knowing perfectly well that a reaction is out of proportion does very little in the moment, which is the part people find most frustrating about themselves. It often passes as quickly as it arrived, leaving embarrassment behind it.

Why does criticism land so hard?

For many people a small piece of feedback does not feel small. It can land physically, like a drop in the stomach, and it can take hours to come back from something that was said in passing. If you have spent years being told you are too much or not trying hard enough, there is also a lot of history sitting underneath the comment.

Why do I feel wound up and exhausted at the same time?

It is a very common combination: too activated to rest, too depleted to do anything useful. It often follows a long stretch of pushing through, and it tends not to respond to willpower, because the part of you that would apply willpower is the part that has run out.

What actually helps when I am already overwhelmed?

Physical things usually work faster than thinking things. Slowing your out-breath, moving, cold water on your hands or face and firm pressure all act on the body directly. Trying to reason yourself out of the feeling tends to fail while you are in it, because reasoning is exactly what has gone offline.

Why is masking so exhausting?

Because it is continuous, unpaid work. Monitoring how you are coming across, editing yourself in real time and holding it together all day costs an enormous amount, and none of it is visible to anyone else. That is why the crash usually arrives afterwards, when you are finally somewhere you can stop.